Social media was once a lifeline for me, something I felt I could never be without. I didn't feel isolated when I was on it; it was all smiles, and I was in control. Everything was funny, and nothing mattered. That was during lockdown, and being on it felt like an escape.

As I entered sixth form, I began posting more and more, posting stories, posts, and videos multiple times a day. I had friends, friends of friends, all liking everything. I made friends, attended parties, visited their homes, and met their parents. I relied on them to uphold me, to tell me who I was.

I lost myself, and real life became overwhelming. In real life, everything wasn't funny, and things did matter. I made a post, and lost friends. It wasn't one or two; it was half of everyone I knew.

I didn't know what was going through my mind; I thought I was an adult because I turned 18. I went back to school the next morning, and people physically turned away from me. People I thought were my friends, my closest friends, became people who wouldn't even look me in the eyes. I didn't know what to do. From then on, I could feel something had changed. I knew no one would ever see me the same again.

I reached out to old friends, and I tried to make amends.

I deleted everything, and I felt like I had lost it all. My life was a mess because of me, and I would never be able to fix it, no matter what I did. Because of what I did.

I don't know who I was; I didn't recognise the person I had become. I never want to be that person again.

I don't have those people in my life anymore, and I'm better for it. In the moment experiencing a loss like that, it felt like I couldn't bear it. But after the fact, I felt better once everything fell in place, and I realise now that the phrase “Friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime” rings true.